During the hiatus that I took from my writing, I’ve had the chance to experience life a little more and do more self accessing.
I think maybe I have found a link to the reason why the potential romantic relationships that spring up in my life are sabotaged in the early stages of development.
I am a dreamer and dreamers can dream at any point of the day really. And since I am a dreamer, I tend to daydream quite a bit about the future, my life in its current state, when I’ll have children, who I’ll be married to, where will I live in 5 years… ahem!
In some cases, these daydreams could be a good thing to sit and ponder on. You always want to know what your next move is going to be. I mean shit, it’s basically what the quote, “if you fail to plan, you are planning to fail” is touching on right?
Right Ben Frank?!
Right. However, when I daydream, my mind tricks me into thinking that the scenarios are already real or that I’m somehow living in them. Whenever I start dating a person that I really fuck with, my thoughts go into overdrive about literally every little thing. Including our future together.
I’m sure a lot of you do the same thing. I’m not an alien. The difference, however, is that my dumb ass actually allows the daydream to spill over into my reality. Which, in turn, causes major issues within the relationship, and then I spend at least 3 months crying over it, smoking major marijuana, and eating like my life depends on it.
(My life kinda does depend on it, but for the sake of the idea I’m trying to get across, we’ll pretend that simile actually made sense.)
I’m aware enough to call myself out on my own bullshit. We all need that “self” reality check. And in realizing this, I can stop the destruction before it happens.
SIKE! Continuing to perpetuate the dumb shit knowing that it is in fact dumb, is my specialty.
Thanks for the insight though, brain.