Building Self-Love After a Narcissistic Relationship

As you may know by now, I rarely write posts about events that someone who is close to me, or I haven’t personally experienced. This is also a topic that is becoming increasingly important the more that I learn about it. I want anyone who reads this post to leave it feeling like they’ve gained some hope for recovery and love for themselves again (or building that love if it was not present before).

A year ago, I was in one of those, “sorta/kinda” relationships with a guy who I had discovered long after we went our separate ways, is a narcissist. Why didn’t I know he was a narcissist before then? Well, narcissists have a way of hiding their behavior and overcompensating to ensure that their current victim does not see their true face behind the “mask” that they’ve created. Narcissists are not normal human beings with genuine emotions, feelings, or love. And if you are an empath like myself, to the narcissist, you become the perfect target. Empaths are natural-born care givers and lovers of people. We are sensitive, we hate to see others treated unjustly, and we would give almost anything to ensure that everyone around us is happy; even if it means we are not.

After leaving the narcissistic relationship, the hard part was over, so I thought. I felt utter relief knowing that I was free and could be me again. Unfortunately, I soon learned that getting back to me was going to take more work. This wasn’t a normal break-up. This was a form of abuse on many different levels. And the abuse only escalated the longer that I chose to stay in a relationship with the narcissist. At first, I cried. A lot. I let everything out. I allowed every bit of sadness in me to go. I blamed myself for why things didn’t work, why certain events happened the way that they did. I had allowed him, in my mind, to be off the hook when it came to holding accountability. I took all of the heat. After speaking with some close friends, reading and viewing information that was pertinent to my situation, and being more patient and kind to myself and my mental, I am finally recovering from narcissistic abuse.

None of us are perfect. We all make mistakes (and will continue to do so until death). None of us are without flaws, insecurities, or demons. There are some individuals, however, who choose the darker path instead of wanting to be and do better. For themselves, and those that love and care for them.

Below is a list of 7 (seven) steps that I took, and still practice, during my recovery from narcissistic abuse. You may also employ some of the things from this list and please don’t hesitate to add on to the list in the comments so that we may all benefit and heal together.

  • Get busy!
  • Don’t be afraid to speak to people that you can trust and be vulnerable with. They do not have to necessarily be family members or close friends.
  • Adopt a pet/companion (I got a kitten — her name is Cleo)
  • Take all of the alone time that you feel you need.
  • Do not answer calls/texts from the narcissist. If you must, make them really brief.
  • Focus your energy into personal projects/elevating your career.
  • Watch videos relating to narcissism and how to heal and move forward.

I know that I didn’t cover what exactly a narcissist is and how to spot one if you’re ever put into a predicament where you have to deal with one, so here is a short video link from Oxygen.com, detailing 5 ways that you will know you’ve encountered someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) or displays those traits.

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